How not to write a review

The Yaoi Review made me realize I need to stop reading reviews from yaoi blogs (the few that are in existence) after reading Jennifer's review for Incubus Master. She gives the plot an A+, the readability a B (wtf indeed), the sexual content an A-. The overall grade is an A-. What is saddening about this review--other than the outlandish grades--is the lack of substance. Instead of telling us what is exceptional about the plot, what sets it a part from your typical fanfiction and why you need to spend 3 dollars on each section, we are given smoke and mirrors:

What can I say? I love this plot. It’s always a good sign when you find yourself eagerly awaiting the next release. At no point in time did I find myself predicting where the story was going or thinking I already knew the ending. There are a lot of original elements to the story and I found it to be very engaging throughout. The synopsis provided for the story doesn’t do the story justice in my opinion. I think Yamila does a good job of 'going there' when tough situations arise in the story; not every element is sunshine and unicorns but that’s what makes the story a little deeper than most we get.

What about the story kept her waiting in suspense? What elements are original? How does Yamila go there? There is no elaboration. So, yes, I am frustrated--doubly frustrated since I am a English major--to read a review which tells me as much as the story's synopsis. And, yes, when I read a positive review with little to no substance I feel the writer is either purposely trying to mislead their audience or they have no writing skills. And not to be crude, I believe in this case it may be the latter. I understand reviews are opinions, but these blogs are not personal or casual blogs. These people are in contact with companies and undoubtedly believe their blogs serve a great purpose. They have the power to convince individuals to spend their hard earned cash. If you wield such power, it's your responsibility to at least learn how to write a good review.

Another aspect of her review I find quite puzzling is how Character Development received an A+ when she never discussed the character development. There is a section labeled "character" where she basically gives character descriptions:

Jinady, a human, is the main character the story follows. From the illustrations, he looks like your typical feminine long haired bishie and in some aspects he is but what I liked most about him is how the author chose to go beyond the typical bishie mold. Jinady not only is a bit of a slut throughout the story with his partner swapping but he also switches up once becoming the seme. I think it’s all his sexual risk taking that makes some of the sex scenes so steamy.

Figaru is Jinady’s main love interest although not his only one. He’s a demon who’s looking for love after losing his wife and although there are plenty of potential suitors, he knows he must be careful with who he partners with. Don’t feel sorry for Figaru when Jinady gets slutty, he’s getting his needs met as well!

There are plenty of other characters to keep the story interesting including a shape shifting demon named Gor, a slightly crazy transvestite named Leatha, spoiled brat and not to be trusted Rowan and our poor Vandrel, who is just too love sick over Leatha to make any good decisions

None of the above has anything to do with character development, which is about change and growth. So the reader is left in the dark as to why character development received an A+. We know Jinady likes to top and/or bottom and Figaru lost a wife but how does this add to the story? This information seems more like random facts than an in-depth dissection of a character.

Now, lets talk about sex, baby:

As I mentioned above, you get to see the sexual content illustrated and in color. Each part provides at least one sex scene and they are usually quite graphic and long. There are a lot of different partners written about so you definitely get some variety. I found the sex scenes written about Jinady to be the most appealing, probably because he’s the one we get to know the best (and is the most slutty!). The writing at times does detract a bit from the sex scenes and one of them early on didn’t really do it for me, moreso due to one of the characters involved but I saw improvement with each subsequent scene.

How does the author improve the sex scenes? What technique is applied to make them interesting? Is the sex there for mere titillation or is the reader able to garner any information about the characters through this physical act? Since one sex scene was found distasteful, mostly due to who was involved, is the only improvement whom Jinady is having sex with? What about the writing? How does the writing improve from what is presented in the free sample? As a reader all I gleaned from the above paragraph is there is graphic sex in each section and the sex scenes with Jinady are the best. The absence of how and why makes the writing come off lax and sloppy. It's that book report you wrote on the Giver in the fourth grade where you believed "it's cool" was a sufficient enough description to receive an A.

Look, I have yet to buy Incubus Master because I read the free preview and was not convinced it was worth so much as a nickel. These other reviewers have read the story and it's their job to convince me I am missing out. A good review would pique my interest and make me doubt my own preconceptions. The reviews I've read so far make me question whether or not these people have even written an essay for a class because rule number one of any essay is BACK UP WHAT YOU WRITE.

Furthermore, do not be quick to brush off those who only read the free sample. The job of the writer is to hook a reader with the first sentence. Incubus Master does not succeed at this task. So to casually forgive the poorly written opening and promise improvements in the sections which require payment is disingenuous.

Yaoi Prose: Incubus Master

Oh, god, this is hard. Okay. When I workshop a story I have to look for the good and bad when I write my critique. Good followed by bad, bad followed by good, there has to be a balance. But when someone expects you to pay money for a story written with the same care and expertise as a twelve year old who writes Inyuasha yaoi, the game changes. It's not about helping a writer improve anymore, but helping you make a wise choice about where to spend your money.

This morning I read the free 3 chapter preview of Incubus Master by Yamilia Abraham. The story opens in the midst of a battle, I think. I'm not really sure. Nothing's really clear. All you know is something is happening. This is one of the major flaws of Incubus, the author takes for granted her audience is familiar with the subject matter. I most certainly am unaware as to what a Succubus or Incubus is and I'm sure I'm not alone in this lack of knowledge. It is the author's responsibility to find a creative way to weave a description into the narrative, but that's another thing Incubus has little of: description. This is all forgivable in the land of fanfiction where the audience already knows what the world of Gurren Lagann looks like or a batarang is a weapon and not just some funny sounding word. But when a author chooses to forgo much needed detailing the writing comes off lazy.

So, yes, there's this thing going on and Jinady, our protagonist, is swept up by a demon. End scene. In the next scene we learn he has been held captive and used as a sex slave by the demons in a cave high in the mountains. We are made aware Jinady is a pretty, pretty man before we're plunged into a long sex scene with an incubus. If the focal point of a story is sex you better have the skills to write one good sex scene. Sadly this is another of Incubus' shortcomings. Although, for once there is detail, the description is very cut and dry. Insert slot A into slot B. What really spoiled the sex for me is how the gasps and moans were written into dialogue. Instead of being sexy it has the opposite affect and makes the scene more comical. Come on, think of any bad!fic you read in the past and I bet you can remember the "oooohs", and "ahhhhhs". You got a smile on your face right now, don't you. Because it was funny! It's funny because it's unnecessary.

As an English major, the over use of the word that in this piece kills me dead. Also the back and forth between present and past tense doesn't help the flow of this already choppy work. Even if a reader is able to overlook such breaches of the rules of writing, the absence of detail will undoubtedly turn them off. Which leaves me to question blogs such as Kuriousity which reviewed this and didn't find many, if any flaws. What I want to know is if the site owner would go out of her way to purchase these chapters if she wasn't receiving free digital copies. I doubt it. Because if she wanted to read bad writing there's this site called fanfiction.net where she could get her fill for free.

What saddens me more than the bad writing is after chapter 2 of Incubus Master there are the glimmerings of a great idea that could have flourished if written by a more skilled writer. Or, perhaps, if she just had someone edit the story. Even a couple of proof readers. Any help would have been beneficial. Incubus Master does not read like a finished work. It's a first draft in need of extensive reconstructive surgery.

This mini review is on the first 3 chapters. Maybe I've piqued you're interest and you want to check it out yourself. But I cannot recommend anyone pay for this in good conscious. I advise you guys to put your money to better use and treat yourselves to a coke or a candy bar instead.